Fifth Test: that was quick by Les Everett

The Melbourne Test was so long, so hard, so dramatic we need something less taxing in Sydney. The Harbour City has tended to deliver in recent years by being rained out. This time it delivered a pitch ensuring a early finish.

Day one

Beautiful bowling from Starc, Boland and Cummins put the India batters on the back foot and, in the case of Pant, the bicep, head, thigh and other places. At my place there were two people with zero interest in cricket. They happened to be around as the third umpire deliberated on Kohl’s first ball and the Smith-Marnus catch. “Nup, it hit the ground,” said one. “With all the cameras these days you can’t get away with anything,” said the other. And then they drifted away to do something more interesting. “What was that?’ I thought, “Who was that?”

India struggled to 185. Some enterprising Bumrah batting helped. Australia had some uncomfortable overs to face to complete the day. Konstas fired up Bumrah from the non-striker’s end. Usman went on the last ball of the day. Bumrah scared the shit out of the Australian top order during this series but there was nothing in his behaviour requiring ‘words’ or disrespect. I’m sure the young opener will learn to keep his mouth shut.

Day two

I saw none of it but still had a day dominated by cricket. I set off on a hunting trip that yielded 13 abandoned cricket pitches from Bolgart to Kondut.

Webster on debut brought up his 50 while we were at Miling Primary School. The pitch is now used as a weather station – repurposing. The game was starting to look like the Perth Test.

A fortuitous u-turn near the Ballidu school led to the discovery of the pitch we weren’t looking for. Pant pounded a few. Boland took wickets. The game was poised and the second pitch at Kondut was a find for the ages.

Day three

India six down. Any target would be hard to run down. Incredibly there was still a real chance India could retain the Border-Gavaskar Trophy. Cummins and Boland get the job done. Six-for, ten-for by the relief bowler.

The target was 162. I had this tactical thought. Why not send in a tail-ender to open and just swing the bat? It’s the kind of idea that never works – or maybe once in the thirds in 1983 so is worth considering. Turns out Konstas has had the same idea. He swings like a number 11, the bowlers serve up wides and crap and the total quickly mounts. And Usman is looking good. 

Then there’s trouble: Konstas the night-watcher skies one, Marnus goes all slip machine again, Smith gets to 9999, Usman knicks a pull but he’s done ok. Prasidh and Siraj are bowling well.

It’s down to Head and Australia’s best batter Webster to steer the ship home to a series win.

Oh, did I mention Bumrah couldn’t bowl in the second innings. That was fortunate.